Thursday, June 17, 2010

Summer Break

"School's out for summer!!!" - Alice Cooper

Thanks Miss Moulton. There's a reason you are Teacher of the Year many times over.

Amanda made it through third grade. Perhaps barely. Her teacher pointed out that it was because Amanda picks up on everything so quickly. My comment was "you should see her when she doesn't have cancer." I am so grateful to her teacher. She was absolutely fabulous to work with. We appreciated the patience and kindness shown from her and the class.

Keeping Amanda busy this summer is turning into an interesting problem. She thinks she is better than she really is. She wears out so easily. Fortunately she has scaled back her lofty aspirations from summer's past and is still content with small activities. She's also been a bit more emotional and clingy lately. Scott's entire family went on a cruise. We stayed behind. It's hard getting left behind and I think she's keenly aware of it. She doesn't mind what she's missing as much as she misses the people. Most of my family is gone on a trip this week. I think having everybody gone was a a scary reminder of her fear of being alone. Amanda can be hugging me till I turn blue and she will still say "I want you." She's always been this way. Cancer's just made it worse. I suppose some emotional fear comes with the territory. I'll work on dishing out some extra attention.

I have to admit that my thoughts are a bit jumbled. On one hand, I've had this strong desire to start living again, to make my time on earth a bit more meaningful, to be more grateful, to love my family even more. On the other hand, I am painfully aware of so many people that have lost or are losing their life to cancer. I do no understand why Amanda is still here and they are not. She has something to offer all of us, and I have the responsibility to build her up so she can can accomplish it. I do no fully understand what it is, but I know that her life is a gift and that she is meant to be here. My heart aches for those that cannot have what I do. I am so fortunate to have my children. I suppose being grateful starts with living happily. I'm finding a lot more joy in my children and am trying to accomplish as much as I can within my means. We are starting small; Amanda and I are working on a garden. It is a great start together and I am tickled with how excited she gets about it. I am so grateful to still have her.

1 comment:

  1. I love this entry. Erin has told me she has never been to my house. We will have to fix that